CONVERSATIONS ABOUT ABORTION
What can individuals do, on a personal level, to promote open and honest conversation
about abortion?
We must always remember
the power of the individual to move others and ultimately, to create a shift in
the national conversation. When we begin to break the silence around abortion
in our own lives we will help others to not feel so alone if they have had an
abortion. Here are some thoughts that may be helpful to you in having personal
conversations about abortion. What follows this section are some stories of real
conversations. We invite you to share your stories.
1. "WHAT WAS YOUR ABORTION LIKE?" 43%
of all women have had abortions, and if you are not one of them, chances are excellent
that you know someone who has been touched by abortion. What was their experience
before, during and after their abortion? Ask your partner, ask your friends, ask
your parents, "Can you tell me a personal story about abortion?" "What
were the circumstances? How was the experience--emotionally, physically, socially?
How do you think about it now?"
2. "WHAT ABOUT ABORTION MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE?"
Even people who are thoroughly pro-choice discover that there are some things
about abortion that they have questions about. Some people have concerns about
sex selection abortions, repeat abortions, late second trimester abortions, so-called
"partial birth abortion." Ask questions, read our
questions and responses and have conversations about what makes you uncomfortable.
Seek more help if you want to increase your understanding.
3. "WHAT ARE YOU SAYING AND HOW ARE YOU SAYING IT?"
Is our own language polarizing and judgmental? Are we demonizing the anti-abortion
side at the expense of understanding the issue? Are our words "battle bound"
and warlike? For example: "Our side is under attack and we have to fight
back." "Those anti's are crazy." The "abortion war" has
impacted us all and keeps us in an us/them conflict- driven mode which obscures
what abortion is really about. Taking responsibility for our own language is a
first step to self awareness on this issue.
4. "PRACTICE COMPASSION."
Put yourself, if you can, in the shoes of the women and men who are facing a difficult
pregnancy decision and let their stories move your heart. Sometimes it seems,
from outside the situation, that a pregnancy was preventable or that the person(s)
were not being responsible. Consider this: Have you ever taken risks around sex
(or driving a car, or sports, or any other time)? Each situation is unique. None
of us is perfect. Practice compassion.
5. "I CAN LISTEN."
Let the people around you know that you "get" the complexity of making
a decision about a pregnancy and that you are a safe person to talk to. At home,
with friends, at work, church, or school, and especially among teenagers, let
it be known that you can be trusted to listen, and not judge.
6. "BE PREPARED."
When someone says, "I could never have an abortion" have a good answer
ready. You might say, "Until you are pregnant, I don't think you always know
what you would or wouldn't do." Or, "I don't know what I would do, but
I hope there would be people to support me and not judge me." Statements
like these let anyone listening know that you understand should they need someone
to talk to.
7. "KNOW YOUR STUFF."
Educate yourself about abortion and the abortion experience. You might start by
printing out some of the articles on this site or check out the Pregnancy Options
Workbook at www.pregnancyoptions.info.
Check out the links/ resources section in this site.
8. "WHAT ABOUT MEN?"
When a woman is pregnant, the primary responsibility for making a decision is
hers. But the abortion experience and the conversation about abortion touches
male partners, family and friends. Their perspective is valuable and their involvement
makes for a deeper, more interesting conversation. We need their voices in the
national conversation about abortion.
9. "WHAT IS A CLINIC LIKE?"
Many clinics on our website, www.abortionclinicdirectory.com have virtual clinic
tours on their web sites. You can ask to visit your local provider. They will
probably want to schedule a visit at a convenient time for them and to ensure
their security so allow some time for your request. Contact the National
Coalition of Abortion Providers for further suggestions.
STORIES OF REAL CONVERSATIONS
Fly the Friendly Skies…
Ruth Arick
Choice Pursuits 
